Essay
A Break
The sounds from the traffic outside crawl
through the half closed window and contaminate the rarely
silence, which was present for a short period of time in the
empty room. The sounds are swiftly drowned in the noisy
impatient melody from
my mobile phone that calls for the third time and is most
certainly not bringing any vital information. But I
choose to ignore these attention-seeking sounds and slowly slide
under the water in the bathtub, where I am spending a quiet
Sunday evening. My head is now completely covered by the warm
water, and all kinds of noise are left at the surface. I find
myself in a vacuum, where no sound can penetrate. It is a world
isolated from the rest of the vibrant community, whose condition
is becoming more and more critical and is probably ending up
with a stroke. But in this world, in this silent world I have
created under the water, it is only me who controls the speed,
since I am the only existing creature in this small community.
The silence is
slowly starting to be drowned out by voices. It is my own
thoughts. They now have the opportunity to get out and be heard.
They cautiously creep out, but with fear of being trampled down
by the sounds from the surroundings. But they soon discover that
they are the only voices in this room. I am able to hear my
thoughts, and I then have the opportunity to reflect on them as
long as I please, because time in this world is unlimited and
there is no rush. But why is it so difficult to listen to these
thoughts? Should they not be me priority?
One thought
after another flies out of my head and can be heard as echoes in
the clear water. It is in these short moments you have time to
listen and understand yourself. Silence and retreat from the
hectic everyday life is necessary if you want more balance in
your life. In this very moment as I lie here under the water, I
feel that I am getting closer to this steadiness. I have time
for myself, which is almost impossible to have in this chaotic
life, where you constantly have to be active or be social with
people. When the phone rings it is expected that you answer it
right away. And if you chose not to respond, you are forced to
call back as soon as possible. So instead of doing what you
initially planed to do, you feel obligated to call them back and
spend a great amount of that little time you had after the day's
chores were completed. The consequence of this action will be
that the time I would have to find myself and achieve a total
peace of mind is diminished.
A few bubbles
are leaking from the corner of my mouth and slowly drift up to
the surface, moving in a specific pattern. This reminds me of
how short time is. I am reminded that even in my little isolated
world, there is a certain time limit, which I had not
considered. The amount of oxygen in my lungs is slowly reducing,
but I do not want to leave this world. I do not want to return
to the busy world, on the other side. Not yet. Give me just a
few minutes more to find myself and find the balance to enable
me to cope with this stressful world.
While several
bubbles are leaving my mouth and nose, I close my eyes and
listen hard and intense to the last thoughts. They are all
pushing to get out and be heard. I wonder why so many thoughts
fill this void. Are they suppressed and ignored? I do not have
the answer, but the more I think about it, the more obvious it
becomes. I hardly remember when I last retreated from the world
and had time to completely focus on myself. It was long ago.
When I try to achieve a totally relaxed state where nothing can
disturb me, I get interrupted immediately. It may be telephone
calls, messages, visits, or the thought of duties that has not
yet been completed. It is virtually impossible in the modern
world to find such a relaxing state of mind. Therefore I lie in
the warm water and try to relax. But the limited time period,
forces me to return to the noise and the stress.
The last amount of air leaves my lungs, and I begin to feel
discomfort at the lack of oxygen. With a quick motion I sit up
in the bathtub and takes a deep breath. I look around. The
peaceful silence under the water is now being replaced with all
the sounds that belong to this stressful world. The traffic
can still be heard through the window, and my phone rings
incessantly. I once knew a calm and peaceful world. Where there
was time to completely relaxed and even get bored ones in a
while. It was at those times I could find myself and find the
balance that I am longing for. It was an time without the modern
technology for communication. A time where you had no mobile
phone or email. This gave me the opportunity to relax ones in a
while. But now I sit here. In the present. Surrounded by noise
from various sources that meets in a discordant symphony, which
sharp notes cut through the air. I want to go back. I want to go
back to the silent void in my own world. I slowly lay my head
back and is on my way under the water ones more. But I suddenly
stop in the middle of this action, cause what good will it be? I
will always be pulled in to this hectic reality again.
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